Understanding You
by Rustling of Leaves
Summary: "You act so tough all the time, like you don't care about anything, but you actually do." "I guess, what I am saying is, it's alright to cry sometimes." For 39 Clues Fan's Contest.
1. Understanding You

_**"As long as there's one person who understands me, I'll be okay..."**_

* * *

"Amy, I need to go somewhere for a while. I'll be back in an hour, so don't wait up, OK?" The red head nodded in response at her boyfriend, and returned back to her book.

Ian Kabra drove his car out the driveway, a couple of roses on the seat next to him. He was going to visit his sister, Natalie, whose birthday was in exactly half an hour.

A soft, melodious song played on the radio, and Ian couldn't keep himself from falling asleep, so he changed the radio station. It was playing a more upbeat and happy song, and Ian smiled too.

I'm visiting my sister, so I should listen to a cheerful song, right?

Keeping this thought in mind, Ian halted to a stop in front of the Cahill Cemetery, a place where all Cahills were buried. Tightly grasping the roses in his hand, Ian walked midst the gravestones, searching for the one that held the engraving; _Natalie Kabra. 2000-2013. Beloved sister and daughter._

When he found it, Ian smiled and started laughing. "Hey Natalie!" He shouted happily, as if his sister was just standing before him. "Happy Birthday!" He looked so out of place, a mop of hair covering his forehead, and a toothy grin that almost made him look boyish. Ian set the roses near Natalie's grave, and plopped down on the grass. "So, Natalie, you are turning sixteen today, huh?" His tone had become quieter, but it still had the cheerful edge to it. "I bet you would have bought out the entire Harrods department as your birthday present. Or have me gift you another credit card." He smiled sadly, but quickly caught himself and exchanged it with another grin.

"Oh, heck, leave that. What do you think of this," Ian pulled out a red velvet box from his pocket and opened it. Inside lay a beautiful ring, made of white gold, with a delicate diamond rose on top. "I bought it for mine and Amy's two year anniversary. I'm finally going to propose to her. We won't marry just yet, but I want her to know that I'm not letting her go again." He smiled at the gravestone, and held out the ring more, as if Natalie was really there, and he was letting her inspect it closely.

"So, what do you think? Is it Natalie approved?" Ian laughed and put the ring in the box back. "You know, it's almost about to be dawn, but I really wanted to be the first one to see you on your birthday. But don't worry, I locked the house properly before leaving, so Amy's safe." There was silence between the two, when Ian slowly got up again. "Well, I need to be going now. If the groundskeeper gets here, he'll think of me as some kind of weirdo." Ian turned his back to Natalie's gravestone. "G-goodbye, N-Natalie." His words started breaking. "I- m-miss you." Ian flopped down to the ground again, still turned away from the grave stone. He could feel his eyes getting wet...

_N-no…I cannot cry…not in front of Natalie…_

"What are you doing, Kabra?" A snarky tone interrupted Ian. He quickly wiped his eyes and turned around to come face to face with Sinead.

"W-what are you doing here?"

"Well, I did come here to pay my respect to my branch leader, but what I found was a Kabra making a total fool of himself."

"Why did you come here so early?" Ian asked, surprised. Sinead stuck out her tongue at Ian.

"Well, I originally arrived exactly at midnight, but then I saw you and hid behind that tree. Seriously, what is with you? First acting so sickeningly cheerful and then bawling like a little baby." Ian's look was replaced with a more stern look.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Now, that's the Kabra we all know and love to hate." She said walking over to Ian. "This look is so much better on you than that other disgusting façade." Ian flinched at this, and started laughing. Sinead sighed.

"Ha ha, what do you mean Starling? I'm not angry with you or anything. I'm happy, OK?"

"Oh, god, not again." Sinead put a hand over Ian's shoulder. "If you think I'm going to comfort you, you're wrong. But...stop it." Ian looked over at Sinead, a confused look on his face.

"If you think you're making people around you happy by acting like you're happy, then you may be right. They care for you. So they want you to be like this, cheerful all time around.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm genuinely happy."

"Would you like it of Amy was hurting about something, but she kept it inside because she didn't want you to worry about her?" Ian looked away from Sinead, and kept mum.

"As I thought. You would want to comfort her. You would want to take her side, and you would want to tell her that you're with her." Sinead folded her hands. "So how can you assume that she wouldn't want to do the same for you?"

Ian didn't say a word, but it was clear from the expression of his face what was circulating in his mind right now.

"I guess," Sinead started. "What I am saying is...it's alright to cry sometimes." She then turned her back to Ian and started walking away.

"Wait." Ian's voice rang from behind her. "You came here to pay a visit to Natalie on her birthday, right? You didn't come here for Katherine. You couldn't have picked the exact same date. It's just too big of a coincidence."

Sinead's eyes widened for just a nano second, but she regained her cool composure and turned around.

"You found me!" She said, in a very sarcastic tone. "I guess there's no point in holding these back any longer." Sinead dug into the black tote bag she had been carrying and produced a bouquet of roses. She bent down and set them near Natalie's grave.

"Why?" Ian questioned. "You didn't even like Natalie that much."

"It's not only about Natalie." Sinead said harshly. "I kinda own them all something."

"Sinead, you're not talking about-"

"Yes. I am talking about me joining the Vespers. It was because of me that their plan was successful. I was the reason McIntyre, your sister and the others died." Sinead took a pause. "The least I can do is visit them on their birthdays. That isn't enough to forgive me, I know, but..."

"That wasn't your fault. You did it for your brothers."

"Hurting others was not the right way to help my brothers." Sinead said quietly.

"How long are you going to keep blaming yourself for that? You're not evil, Sinead. You were the one who helped us in the end." Now it was Sinead's turn to look away from Ian. He, instead reached forward and scooped her up in a hug.

"You act so tough all the time, like you don't care about anything, but you actually do. You joined us in the end against the Vespers. Even today, you told me something about myself that I was not able to understand. So, thank you for that."

Sinead flinched a bit, but then broke away from Ian.

"Thanks." She murmured. Ian leaned a bit toward her, holding out his ear.

"Hmm, what was that? I couldn't quite hear it." Sinead smacked him on the arm.

"Like hell I'm going to repeat that! Don't get ahead of yourself, Kabra!" Ian laughed, and walked away, Sinead following suit. They both walked on and on, arguing, as they left behind two bouquets of beautiful winter roses, both under the same gravestone.

They had both helped each other. A lot more than they thought they had.

* * *

_**I originally wrote this as my entry for 39 Clues Fan's contest, but withdrew it soon after. However, I've decided to re-enter it, only after taking her permission. **_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**-Ghost**_


	2. Understanding You: Even if it isn't Love

It has been a month since I saw Ian at the cemetery. He was paying his respects to his sister.

We are now friends. I see him at a daily basis, and we actually hang out.

Huh. Who would've thought. A Lucian and an Ekat...friends.

I guess everything happens for the best.

I'm a very vain person, that is true. I don't like to admit I have any kind of flaws, so I have to work very hard to make sure they don't come up in front of people.

But the only person I don't have to do that in front of is Ian.

You might disagree. You might think that I can even be myself in front of my family, especially my brothers.

That is not true. In fact, my family are the main reason I have to do this. I cannot seem vulnerable in front of my parents.

Not that it matters anymore. Me, and Ned and Ted...we were already disowned much before. Right after the hunt.

They told us they didn't want to see our faces anymore.

But I do this for my brothers. I can't show them my weak side. I can never cry in front of them. Instead, I want them to cry to me. I do this because I want to know that they can rely on me anytime.

I know that I'm not following what I told Ian. I was the one who droned to him about being himself in front of the people he loves.

But it's OK in his case, y'know?

Amy's strong. Dan's strong. Even if he breaks down, they can support him.

But my brothers are not strong. They have been through so much...no, I can not...I _will_ not cry in front of them. No matter what.

He understands. Ian understands that, and so he always has his shoulder ready for me to cry. He is the only one who I can be weak in front of, because he is the only who can support me.

_"When have you felt like crying, Sinead?"_

He asked me that once. There were many times, I told him. During the hunt. Many, many times before it. And many, many times after it. After the Franklin blast. Even...I flinched. I realized I hadn't told him about that yet.

But when his warm Amber eyes were fixed on mine, it all came out. I told him everything, from start to finish.

The time I felt most like crying was when everyone welcomed me back into their arms, even after I betrayed them during the Vesper incident.

I was happy. They were tears of joy. But I had wanted to look cool, so I had swallowed my pride and mumbled a simple thanks to them.

I'm glad I kept it in that time. Because now I can cry however much I want, with him by my side.

We are friends now. I see him at a daily basis. He does it only for me. I tell him that Amy may get the wrong idea, but he smiles at me and mouths a silent 'Never'.

It's true. Amy's like that. She trusts Ian. She trusts me. She knows we would never do anything like that.

That's why I feel awful. I betrayed her trust. I couldn't help it...but Ian kept his promise. He never saw me as more than a friend, I know.

That's why, this is the only thing that I cannot cry to him about.

But it's OK. As long as he's there...I'm fine. I cannot stop loving him, but I'll never do anything that may drive him away.

How we are now is fine.

Even though I tell myself that, why can't I stop these tears from falling...?

* * *

**_"...even if it isn't love."_**

**_-Ami Kawashima, Toradora!"_**

* * *

**_-Ghost_**


End file.
